Despite Your Failure

Here recently, life has been crazy. I say that like life isn't always crazy... I think the truth is that here recently, I've been letting the busyness become an excuse to fall out sync with God. And let me tell ya, I can tell a difference in my attitude, my actions, and even my thoughts. The past few weeks, I have not even stopped to slow down and think, "Why am I being so pessimistic?" "Why am I letting these minute things be blown out of proportion?" But God reaches us in weird ways. On a random Friday night as I was on the way home from the gym, I was listening to a song that I listen to frequently. It is "So Will I" by Hillsong Worship and TAYA. This is one of my all time favorite worship songs, therefore, it wasn't really a surprise that it started playing on a random playlist I was listening to. But, out of the blue tonight, these lyrics hit me like a truck: "God of salvation, You chased down my heart through all of my failure and pride. On a hill You created, The Light of the world abandoned in darkness to die. And as You speak, a hundred billion failures disappear. Where You lost your life so I could find it here. If You left the grave behind you, so will I."

Normally I don't pay super close attention to the song that is playing, or the lyrics that are being sung. But tonight, this stanza really stuck out and it was no doubt a sign from the Lord. We were completely lost and dead in sin. And being in that state, Christ died on the cross for us on a hill that HE created! The Lord saved us from that state of sin and death that we were ensnared in. He lost His life so that we could find it. Not for us to find it, lose it, then find it again. It shouldn't be this titer-totter that we rock between. But, we do fall short. And we will continue to. But, the truth is, the Lord chased down your heart DESPITE all of your failure and pride. Our failure and pride didn't stop Him from going to the cross for us. This is very good news for me! Being prideful is an ongoing battle for me. That is why I let the busyness interrupt my daily worship with the Lord. It's why I point fingers at someone else when things don't go my way. It's why I hold on to the smallest inconveniences and let them ruin my day. Somewhere down in my heart, I am still that little girl that blames everyone else for her own mistakes. While I might not outwardly show it on display, it shows within my heart. (It definitely shows through on the phone calls with my mom... haha sorry mom!) Being prideful is one of my biggest failures. It is also the root of many of my other failures in life. Especially within the last month or so since school has started.

Even though I try to ignore it, I know that this is a big issue in my heart. So hearing these lyrics tonight brought me to tears. It also isn't a coincidence that my mom texted me right before I had left for the gym and asked what my favorite Bible verse was and I had told her: Romans 5:8 "But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I still don't know why she asked me that question, but I do know that the verse has been ringing through my mind as I have been thinking back to those lyrics. Christ knew that I was prideful when He chose to save me. He knew all of the failures I would make when He was carrying the cross up that hill. So often we let our failures and sin stop us from going to the Lord. But the truth is that He made you. He knows your heart more than you do. He already knows where you fall short. So instead of trying to hide our failures from Him, or simply ignore Him altogether (like I tend to do), we need to lay these things down at His feet.

So I want to encourage you, if you have been having ANY similar feelings, go to the Lord! Lay your troubles down at his feet. Give it to God. Many times I wonder: Why even take it to God when He already knows? This past weekend I was reminded why. Because we find healing when we get vulnerable and confess it. It humbles us to admit our weakness... and that humility and vulnerability will open your heart and allow God to heal you. So take whatever it is that you're struggling with to God. He is waiting with open arms. Remember: He made you. He knows you. He died for you DESPITE your failure. He died for you WHILE YOU WERE STILL A SINNER. He knew everything about you, yes you... and He still died for you. Rest in that truth <3