Finding Contentment in a New Place

I've been struggling to decide what I wanted to write about next, therefore I apologize for waiting so long in between posts! I've been going through a new place in my life that has brought about some weird emotions. Though this "new place" is not a bad one, it's just different. I wanted to share a little part of my story with you all, with hopes that it reaches at least one of your hearts. This "new place" in my life is singleness. True singleness. To be quite honest, I've never been truly single and content with only Christ until these last 5-6 months. Why is singleness so hard yet rewarding at the same time?!

• I have struggled with being single most of my life. Though I haven't always had a boyfriend, I was at least always interested in someone, or trying to "talk" to them. And if this is you, or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I am not trying to shame you; God has a different plan for all of our lives! But what I'm finding in this time of singleness is truly amazing and I would encourage everyone to go through it. It can be so frustrating and irritating feeling like you're waiting for this great guy or girl to come into your life and we can become impatient with God's timing. But what I have found proves that to be wrong. With the ladies study at my church, we have been going through a study over the life of Joseph by Kelly Minter titled, "Finding God Faithful". Kelly has mentioned that while we see times as "waiting", God sees them as times of "preparing". We feel like we are just WAITING for God to do something extraordinary in our lives, but rather God is PREPARING us for that extraordinary thing that He is going to accomplish. Whether it be in a few months or a few years, our perspective will change the whole way we view our singleness, or any other situation that you are in at this moment. (JP Pokluda also talks about this in his book titled "Outdated", which I highly recommend everyone to read, no matter your relationship status!) When God changed my mindset from "He is making me wait on this man of God to come into my life" to "He is preparing me for a man of God to come into my life", I have been able to embrace this time of singleness! But how? Why?

• First, I just want to say, we should not view singleness as a problem that needs to be fixed! Don't listen to me though, listen to the people who actually know what they're talking about!! Listen to what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35: "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord- how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world- how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of this world- how she may please her husband. And I say this for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction." Wow. This really stepped on my toes at first. When we are dating, we are constantly, whether we realize or not, trying to please that person and make them happy, which takes away from our focus on solely trying to please God. This is especially difficult when the people you are dating are not worried about the things of God. Which is why it is so important to be smart when dating if you are going to do it! But, when we remove those distractions from our life, it allows us to grow closer than ever with God! With that being said, it is an amazing thing to date a fellow believer who is changing after God's own heart, and you two together can accomplish this! A relationship built around pleasing God will also bring you closer to Christ, and I never want to discourage someone from chasing after that! I'm just saying, that is difficult to find being a senior in High School, though it is not impossible!

I want to end by sharing more of my story, like I said I would. As I mentioned above, I have always been dating or talking to someone since I can remember. You know, the casual "I like you, want to be my boyfriend?" on the playground... yeah that was me. Then, as you get older, it starts to become more serious. You go into Middle School and your mom finally lets you get social media and all of a sudden you can talk to boys all day!!!!! But not in person... because that's too scary obviously. Then, at some point, your mom starts letting you hangout a little bit with the boy you like. For me, this was in about 7th grade. Normally it would be with a group, but still... it was definitely a date, or so I thought! 😉 I was not the best kid in middle school, and I'm not exactly proud of the person I was from 6th-10th grade. But now, it is amazing to look back on those times and not have regret, but rather be overwhelmed with rejoice that God saved me from that path that I was going down. What do I mean? Well... things completely change when you get into High School and all of a sudden, it is cool to be physical with your boyfriend. You say you won't ever be that person, that you love God, you won't disobey His command to be sexually pure... but then you start dating that one popular boy. What happens when what you promised yourself you wouldn't do is exactly what your boyfriend WANTS to do? It gets complicated, huh! You set these boundaries, but then you push the line further and further and get as close as you can to that line you swore you would never cross. And the more you do that, eventually you will cross that line. Trust me. I got to this point in my life the first two years of High School. It was a very low point in my life, but God put me there for a reason. He forced me to examine myself. I had to ask myself, what is the core of this problem? The answer I found was God's void in my life; constantly trying to fill it with boys attention. The sad thing is, I thought I was saved. I think many of you who grew up in church will relate to these thoughts that God gave to me: "I know I believe in God, but am I really living that out?" "I go to church on Sundays, but do I ever read my Bible other than during that hour?" "How much scripture do I actually know?" "Do I really have the desire to live for Christ?" The answer to these questions were so painful for me to realize. And at some point, you are disgusted with your sin and want nothing more to do with it... and I never thought God would bring me to that place in my life. I would pray for God to forgive me, but I was running right back to my sin the next day when I hung out with my boyfriend at the time. Though it may not be the "real thing", aka sex, I hate to break it to you... it is still sin. Being physical with someone in a sexual way is being sexually impure. And God says to FLEE from sexual immorality! This has always been one of my biggest struggles, but I never wanted to talk about it, or even overcome it, if I'm being quite honest. Through lots and lots of prayer though, God finally gave me the desire to become a born again believer. Through all those years of having conviction of sin, God had to bring me to an all time low in order that He could pull be back up! And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

For some people, salvation happens instantly. They can look back to one specific moment where their life did a full 180. But for me it was a process. It started with the desire to just open up my Bible. I always dreaded doing that, even reading a devotion was "too much". But then eventually, you can't even put your Bible down, thanks to God's strength, not our own! This process was about 5 months long for me. It happened during Covid-19 when everything was shut down, and I had a little too much time on my hands to just sit and think. But it turned out to be an amazing thing! When we finally got to back to school in August 2020, it was hard, I'm not going to lie, to go back to school being this new believer. You are in that middle ground of wanting to follow Christ, but still wanting to date, party, or whatever else it is that your friends are doing. Though I never really involved too much in parties, I still had a lot of curiosity and a huge desire to date. It wasn't until March of this year that I felt like God finally took that desire away from me. I went through two breakups pretty close together and it brought to my attention all of these insecurities that I was trying to ignore. But eventually, God forces you to face those things in order that you may heal with His help! Hence His name, the Redeemer! Praise God for being a Redeemer! With that being said, we have to stop trying to be our own redeemer. Stop trying to "fix" yourself, it is impossible. You can't fix the problem with the problem! Thanks be to God, since March, I have been able to solely focus on Christ alone and only pleasing God, and that time is not something to be rushed!

I am not going to sit here and tell you that it won't be hard for me to go back to school. This time of singleness has been amazing and my summer has been absolutely extraordinary, simply living for Christ, enjoying my friends, etc. But school is such a different atmosphere. You're right in the middle of the drama, gossip, talk about parties, and everything else. It is always harder to keep up with your daily readings, etc., when you have to be at school for 8 hours everyday but I know for a fact that it is not impossible. Last semester, one of the teachers at my school had a Biblical History class, and through that I was able to learn so much and I believe it was that, and some other things, that relit the flame of desire to know God. Even after we become born again, we still walk through valleys where we feel a little more distant to God. And though I am not in that place right now, I will go through it again at some point, because that's life! I'm not saying that to discourage you, but just to tell you to keep the faith! Keep praying! Keep reading the Word! Don't let it turn into a chore, but doing those things every day will continue to push and motivate you to stay strong! I also cannot stress enough the power of prayer! God is listening. Sometimes He answers your prayers in ways that you might not necessarily like, but remember that His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). He knows better than we do, accept that truth and rest in it!!

I pray for all of you who are reading this today, that whatever you are going through, whether good or bad, that God will bless you through this time. Before you go onto whatever next you are going to do today, I encourage you to go read these scriptures below! Have a blessed day. And like always, remember that God has placed you wherever you're at in life for a reason! Bloom where you are planted! You are there for a purpose!

Scriptures: Isaiah 55 ~ Philippians 4:11-12 ~ 1 Timothy 6:6-12 ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ~ Romans 12:2 ~ 1 Peter 1:13-16 ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13 ~ Ephesians 2:10 ~ Psalm 23 💕